The Kiwi’s Compass: Navigating the Delicate Conversation Around Problem Gambling

Introduction: Why This Matters to Us, the Regular Gamblers

For those of us who enjoy a punt, whether it’s a flutter on the horses, a spin of the pokies, or a hand of online poker, gambling is often a source of entertainment and, hopefully, a bit of extra cash. We understand the thrill, the strategy, and the inherent risks. But what happens when that enjoyment crosses a line? What if a friend, a family member, or even a fellow regular at the pub seems to be struggling? Knowing how to approach someone about their gambling problem in New Zealand is a crucial skill, not just for them, but for us too. It’s about preserving friendships, supporting our community, and ultimately, safeguarding the enjoyment we all derive from a responsible approach to gambling. Just as we understand the odds and the importance of bankroll management, we also need to understand the human element and the potential for harm. Perhaps you’ve noticed changes in a mate’s behaviour, a preoccupation with betting, or financial difficulties. This article provides a guide to navigating these sensitive situations with empathy, understanding, and a focus on positive outcomes. Exploring resources available, like those offered by the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand, is a great starting point, and you can even explore various online platforms for responsible gaming – perhaps even a site like national-casino.co.nz, which may offer resources or links to support services.

Recognising the Signs: Spotting the Red Flags

Before you can offer support, you need to be able to identify the signs of problem gambling. These signs can manifest in various ways, and it’s important to remember that everyone’s experience is unique. Here are some common indicators to watch out for:

• Increased Time and Money Spent: A significant increase in the amount of time and money devoted to gambling is a primary indicator. This might involve skipping work, neglecting responsibilities, or borrowing money to gamble.
• Preoccupation with Gambling: Constant thoughts about gambling, planning future bets, and reliving past gambling experiences are often present. The person may talk incessantly about gambling or become secretive about their activities.
• Chasing Losses: The gambler attempts to win back lost money by gambling more. This is a classic sign of a developing problem, as it demonstrates a lack of control and a reliance on gambling to solve financial issues.
• Withdrawal Symptoms: Experiencing irritability, restlessness, or anxiety when not gambling, or when attempts are made to cut back on gambling. This can be similar to withdrawal from other addictive substances.
• Financial Difficulties: Mounting debt, unpaid bills, and financial desperation are often associated with problem gambling. The individual may be selling possessions or borrowing money from friends and family.
• Relationship Problems: Gambling can strain relationships with family and friends due to dishonesty, financial strain, and neglect of responsibilities.
• Lying and Deception: Hiding the extent of gambling activities, lying about losses, and becoming secretive about money are common behaviours.
• Neglecting Responsibilities: Failing to meet work, family, or personal commitments due to gambling. This can include missing work, neglecting children, or failing to maintain personal hygiene.

It’s crucial to remember that observing one or two of these signs doesn’t automatically mean someone has a problem. However, a cluster of these behaviours, especially if they are persistent and worsening, should raise concern.

Preparing for the Conversation: Approach with Care

Having the conversation can be daunting, but careful preparation can significantly increase the chances of a positive outcome. Here’s how to prepare:

• Choose the Right Time and Place: Select a private, comfortable setting where you can talk without interruptions. Avoid approaching the person when they are in the midst of gambling or immediately after a loss or win. Choose a time when they are likely to be relatively calm and receptive.
• Educate Yourself: Familiarise yourself with the signs and symptoms of problem gambling. Understand the resources available in New Zealand, such as the Problem Gambling Foundation and Gambling Helpline. This knowledge will help you speak with greater confidence and offer informed support.
• Plan What You Want to Say: Write down some key points you want to address. Focus on specific behaviours you’ve observed, rather than making general accusations. Use “I” statements to express your concerns and avoid placing blame. For example, instead of saying “You’re always gambling,” say “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending more time and money on gambling lately, and I’m concerned.”
• Manage Your Emotions: Approaching someone about a sensitive topic can be emotionally challenging. Take a deep breath, remain calm, and try to approach the conversation with empathy and compassion. Avoid getting angry or judgmental.
• Consider a Support Person: If you feel uncomfortable having the conversation alone, consider asking a trusted friend or family member to join you for support. This can provide you with an extra layer of emotional support and help ensure the conversation remains constructive.

Having the Conversation: A Step-by-Step Guide

When you’re ready to talk, follow these steps:

• Start with Empathy: Begin by expressing your concern and care for the person. Let them know that you’re approaching them because you care about their well-being.
• Share Your Observations: Describe the specific behaviours you’ve noticed that have caused you concern. Be factual and avoid making assumptions. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been missing work more often, and you seem stressed about money.”
• Listen Actively: Allow the person to share their perspective and feelings. Listen without interrupting or judging. Show that you understand their point of view, even if you don’t agree with their actions.
• Avoid Blame and Criticism: Refrain from using accusatory language or making judgmental statements. Focus on the impact of their behaviour, rather than attacking their character.
• Offer Support: Let the person know that you’re there to support them, regardless of their choices. Offer to help them find resources, such as the Gambling Helpline or the Problem Gambling Foundation.
• Set Boundaries: While offering support, it’s important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. You are not responsible for their gambling debts or their recovery. Be clear about what you can and cannot do.
• Encourage Professional Help: Suggest that they seek professional help from a therapist, counsellor, or support group. Emphasise that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Be Patient: Recovery from problem gambling takes time and effort. Be patient and supportive throughout the process. Understand that there may be setbacks, and encourage them to keep trying.

What to Avoid During the Conversation

Certain approaches can be counterproductive and may damage your relationship with the person. Avoid these pitfalls:

• Lecturing or Moralising: Avoid preaching or judging their behaviour. This will likely make them defensive and unwilling to listen.
• Making Threats: Don’t threaten to end the relationship or take away support. This can create further isolation and make them less likely to seek help.
• Giving Financial Assistance: Avoid lending them money or paying their debts. This can enable their gambling and delay their recovery.
• Taking Over Their Responsibilities: Don’t try to solve their problems for them. This can prevent them from taking responsibility for their actions.
• Ignoring the Problem: Don’t avoid the issue or pretend that everything is fine. This can allow the problem to worsen and delay the person’s recovery.

After the Conversation: Long-Term Support and Self-Care

The conversation is just the beginning. Ongoing support and self-care are essential for both you and the person struggling with problem gambling. Here’s what to consider:

• Offer Consistent Support: Continue to be a source of support and encouragement. Check in with the person regularly and let them know that you’re there for them.
• Encourage Professional Help: Remind them to attend therapy sessions or support group meetings. Offer to go with them to appointments or meetings if they would like company.
• Educate Yourself: Continue to learn about problem gambling and recovery. This knowledge will help you better understand the challenges they face and provide more effective support.
• Practice Self-Care: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Prioritise your own well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Seek support from your own friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Recovery is a process, not an event. There will be ups and downs. Be patient and understanding, and celebrate small victories.
• Know When to Step Back: If the person is unwilling to seek help or continues to engage in harmful behaviours, it may be necessary to distance yourself for your own well-being. This doesn’t mean you don’t care, but it’s important to protect your own mental and emotional health.

Conclusion: A Compassionate Approach for a Stronger Community

Addressing problem gambling is a delicate but crucial task for anyone who enjoys the world of wagering. By recognising the signs, preparing for the conversation, and offering compassionate support, we can help our friends, family, and fellow gamblers navigate this challenging issue. Remember to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a focus on positive outcomes. By working together and utilising the resources available in New Zealand, we can create a stronger, more supportive community for everyone. Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that our shared enjoyment of gambling remains a source of entertainment and not a source of hardship. By taking these steps, we can help those struggling and contribute to a more responsible and enjoyable gambling environment for all Kiwis.